A Bump in the Road, things I wasn't expecting

We're having a baby! A human baby! Fred and I are thrilled, though in what is surely the most unpopular confession in the blogosphere; this was not our initial reaction, it probably wasn't even our second!

Our path to pregnancy is best described as the World's Biggest Oops. Seeing the blue lines was the single most shocking and terrifying moment of my life, especially as I had done just about everything I could to ensure their non-appearance! Fred's first words were "What?! No way!" closely followed by "Wait, did you pee on this?" before thrusting the baby wand back at me. Always one to focus on the important issue is Fred! I'm not sure what my first words were as I couldn't speak for a long time, it was also quite a while before I stopped shaking. 

But here we are, about to embark on what will surely be the most thrilling white-knuckle ride of our lives! And as we take these first steps it has become glaringly apparent that I am completely unprepared for pregnancy so I've decided to share some some of the things that shocked me most!

1. You can get pregnant at any time. Yes just like the scary nun who taught your sex education class told you all those years ago, you can get pregnant even when you track your cycles and count days and avoid fertile windows, I was days away from mine when the magic happened. Your body is a sneaky little fertile dynamo that way.
Moral: If you don't want it to happen, don't let it happen.

2. There is no correct reaction. Finding out that you have created a human life is a preeeeeeetty massive thing to process and that's before you even make the selfish associations like "Can my life accommodate a baby", "how sore is labour really" and most pressingly "WILL I SURVIVE WITHOUT WINE?" In truth I found it completely overwhelming. There was so much to think about and so many emotions to take it process that everything stopped and I was totally numb. As a married woman who (in theory) wanted kids I thought the correct response was joy, there was no joy. At least not for the first few days. The absence of joy was one of the hardest things to deal with, it made me feel like a terrible person, almost like I didn't deserve to be a mother! I'm nearly certain this winding guilt trip is due to spending too much time on Instagram admiring highly-efficient, perfectly coiffed, beaming Mommy Bloggers, BLEUGH! This phase (eventually) passed and now I'm enjoying pregnancy and looking forward to bringing home a human.
Moral: Feel all the feels, they're your emotions and are entirely acceptable!

To conclude: YAY SURPRISE FOETUS!

Cnoc na Gaire

We're moving!!!! Well not right away we're not but we will be soon...hopefully! Our new house represents everything that Fred and I have ever wanted - a marriage, a home and a family! I personally find it very daunting to be standing in the wings of my dreams waiting to step centre stage, all I can think is "Don't screw this up!" 

We've named our home Cnoc na Gaire (pronunciation: Knock nah Goy-ra) which is an Irish phrase meaning "Hill of Laughter". This is a very sentimental name for us! Many moons ago my family were natives not far from where our new house is built, sadly Ireland's political climate has always tended towards the somewhat tropical (cloudy with a chance of shit storms) and it eventually became impossible for them (us?) to stay living in Northern Ireland. The family were given 36 hours to pack their belongings and get the hell out of Oz. The home they left was Cnoc na mBo Castle (Knock nah Moe). The castle has a fascinating story that involves Eisenhower, the British Army, secret tunnels and scandals in the staff quarters - think Downtown Abbey with thicker accents and less glamour, sadly its history came to an end when it was bombed by the IRA. Thanks lads, who needs heritage?! Fred and I agreed that it was only right that when my family began to reclaim the North we recognised that story and made it part of a new happier journey. 

We thought about recycling Cnoc na mBo but "Hill of Cows" (told you there was less glamour) doesn't have quite the ring we were looking for! 

We are all so excited for this new chapter. The boys haven't seen the garden yet but I know they'll love it! There's no doubt it's going to take a whole lot of blood, sweat and tears to help this vacant property live up to its name but it's a challenge we are both ready for!

How I remembered to be be happy: three habits that heal

Part two of the previous post.

Three habits that heal:

1. More time alone, more time with people.

2. I made an effort.

3. I treated myself like a friend.

The second habit that heals; make an effort

There were days when EVERYTHING felt like an effort, and I do mean everything - thinking about washing my hair felt like climbing Everest before I'd even switched on the shower. I hate climbing Everest on an empty stomach but OH breakfast felt like a chore, aaaaaand so went the rest of the day! I knee-jerked by 'going easy' on myself, 'cutting myself some slack' and 'giving myself a break' because I felt so shitty already why would I add extra pressure? In reality I needed to give myself a boot up the bum and make an effort. My kindness was not helping me in anyway, in fact it was depression's cleverest trick. This kindness kept me mired in a cycle of inactivity and low achievement, the consequences of which Depression could then used as evidence of in the case for Your Life Really Does Suck. I don't mean to imply that if you're sad you should try harder, but for me surrendering was like tying myself to an anchor and going overboard!

I found the easiest way to make an effort was through a Reflective Routine. First I framed whatever I was overwhelmed by with the gratitude I'd feel once it was completed eg "I feel so much happier now that I have worked hard all afternoon" or (on really bad days!) "I feel content now that the dogs have had a fun walk and we've all enjoyed some fresh air". Once I'd determined to enjoy the event I broke every task down into its components and focused on each component until it was fully, satisfyingly complete. When all the components were finished I concentrated on that original feeling again and let myself relax into it and exhaled all the anxiety/dread/incompetence I'd felt before I started. Finally at the end of each day I took a few moments to recap the 'achievements' and all the gratitude that went with them. I refused to allow myself to be mortified by how trivial they might have been! 

Moral: sometimes kindness hurts

How I remembered to be happy; three habits that heal

I've previously written about how I gave myself depression in 2014, in this post, I'll be talking about the things I did which put me back in control of my mental health. This post is not a trite, condencending dismal of anxiety or depression, rather it is an awkwardly honest look at the role we play in our own unhappiness.

1. More time alone, more time with people.

2. I made an effort.

3. I treated myself like a friend.

The fist habit that heals; more time alone, more time with people.

I found it alarmingly easy to distract myself from my own head and the monsters that lived there. On a journey I'd turn on the radio, on a walk I'd take & edit photos of my dogs, I'd make housework easier by putting on a podcast, if I was out with a companion and they paused for breath I'd fill the spare seconds in between with text messages, quick glances at news websites, swipes through my Facebook feed. I never realised how frantic this level of activy was until one day I physically, or more aptly, psychologically, couldn't read a book - previously one of the most enormous joys in my life. In the sudden quiet I became aware of the frightening roar of doubt inside my head, the fear that literally gave me goosebumps and the loneliness that started in my fingernails and crept towards my heart. Holy cow! How had I not noticed this?? I'd been deafening myself with a chaotic cacophony of audible distractions.

To fixed this I did two things. First - I switched off my distractions (phones, tablets, laptops, TVs, radios) and listened carefully. I practiced being 'present' (sorry I tried to find a non-cheesy word) in every activity, concentrating just on it until it was done. At first this was hard! As soon as it could my brain would take itself into the Deep Dark Woods and tell me ghosts stories; with myself as the doomed, ugly step-sister, sure to be skewered by a cast of attractive, employed, successful villagers. When that happened I didn't drown it out, I heard it, recognised it as ridiculous, took a few deep breaths then went about my business. Utterly terrifying! At times I remember physically wanting to run away from the situation, but I'd tried that and it hadn't worked! This new approach was useful, because I'd always 'heard' the ghost stories, it was just that until now I hadn't known what I'd been hearing there was so much background noise. I wrote out the recurring stories and almost laughed at myself, then wrote out the true stories of these events (one a piece of paper with a pen, gadgets be gone).

Moral: it's important to switch off and listen to yourself.

The second thing I did was simple, I arranged dates with people I cared about. Tea dates, shopping dates, park dates, sofa dates, wine dates, lots of wine dates. Virtual relationships are not real relationships, you do need to be able see/smell/touch another human to call it a relationship regardless of what Mark Zuckerberg may tell you. Blah, blah tell me I'm wrong, that skype has changed the world, WhatApp has defeated geogrpahy's dominion over humans, Tinder has revolutionised how we bond. I don't believe you. Turn off your phone and have a conversation, how long is it since you've done that?

Moral: it's important to switch off and listen to other people.

This was supposed to be a MUCH shorter post, but then I decided to be honester (more honest?) more honest. I wanted to detail all the habits together but there ya go, the best laid plans! More about the other habits later.

 

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How I Gave Myself Depression - three habits that hurt

 

In this post I am being brutally honest about my mental health, so this I your warning to cut and run - though if that's your first reaction maybe you should stay and read! I'll start with a confession thus; sometimes I'm my own worst enemy. In 2014 I went through a rather prolonged period of anxiety and depression. This wasn't the kind of depression where my Gentleman Caller found me foetal on the bedroom floor sobbbing uncontrollably, it was a sneakier kind, a kind that nobody but me could see. I developed some awful habits that made my worse.

The three worst things I did for my mental health in 2014.

1. I never spent any time alone. When I wasn't on WhatsApp, Facebook, iMessages or Skype. I was reading news websites or listening to podcasts - I quite literally never had a silent moment to myself. Yet at the same time I rarely spent spent any physical time with people that I loved and who loved me. If you've spent more than 15 seconds consuming any kind of media in the last ten years you'll know its mostly a fairly depressing place! With a constant soundscape of inane negative prattle in my head it became extremely hard to hear myself think.

2. I went with it. On bad days I relaxed into feeling low because it felt easier than making any sort of effort against it. My mindset was something like "I'm feeling pretty shit today, so I'll treat myself to this." Or "I just can't be bothered with the gym because I feel sad." I exploited the advice 'give yourself a break' to breaking point. This was the most damaging thing I did! It was also the hardest to thing to admit I'd done because it meant admitting that I trained my own brain to accept and subject to feelings of anxiety and inadequacy when really what I should have done was listen to Dylan Thomas when he said...

3. I was a mean girl. A 26 year old mean girl; I focused on my failures however minute, I replayed moments of conflict, I dwelt on periods of pain, I mocked my efforts, undermined my attempts and kindled the flame of insecurity. And I did all this while earnestly cheering on my friends in their successes. I would never have tolerated anyone speaking to them the way I spoke to myself.

Of course there were outside contributing factors, predominantely my chronic unemployment which at times felt terminal, but the personal habits that I adopted during this period went a long way toward making a bad patch a bad field! Streched that metaphore?! Don't care!

This post has been really hard to write, because despite our increasing awareness and understandingly our mental health, it still makes for awkward 'touchy-feely' conversation! I look forward to the day when mental health is treated like bodily health. The good news is that seeing as I took myself there, I could take myself away; and one day, I resolved to do just that! Tomorrow I'll be talking about how!

 

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Emergency Feeds; Pumpkin Seeds

I first became hooked on these little seeds last year when I was trying to clear up my skin. The reason? They're jammed full of zinc which is vital in helping your skin produce new cells and magnesium which has a unique role in detoxing the dermis of your skin, both minerals also support the strong immune system you'll need to fight off a skin infection or bad breakout. They're an ideal source of omega 3 which replenishes the healthy oil that acne removes from your skin and lastly they have an anti-inflammatory effect, another key area to focus on when trying to clear your skin.

They are at their nutritional best when eaten raw, but sadly not at their culinary best. To amp up the flavour heat a pan and quick fry your seeds for a few seconds without oil. Once they're toasted like this they become irresistible. I tend not to season them but add a grind of salt, a splash of Worchester Sauce or a pinch of ground ginger and cinnamon if you get bored.

 If for some inexplicable reason you don't eat then immediately, they will happily sit for a few weeks in a sealed container. They provide the perfect Emergency Feed!

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A non-salad Salad

I resent the word salad. It sounds so unhealthy, conjuring images of bowls full of nutritionally void leaves slick with greasy dressings, yuck. It irks rather a little to refer to this bowl of divinity as a salad but, for want of a better word salad it shall be! This salad packs a powerful protein punch thanks to the cashews, peanut butter and soya beans, it also deserves a hat tip for the glorious antioxidant and anti inflammatory properties of the red cabbage.

 

Finely slice your sprouts and sautée them over a high heat. Meanwhile slice 1/2 each of a cucumber, yellow pepper and head of red cabbage, grate a carrot, dice some spring onions and measure out as many cashew nuts and soya beans as you plan to eat. I did the same quantity of everything and found it worked well.

 

Now that your sprouts are done set them aside, wipe out the pan and toast your cashew nuts. Set a pan of boiling water on the hob and blanch the soya beans.

 

Finally, time for dressing. Make extra of this as you will be spreading it on EVERYTHING! Mix together 2tbs of peanut butter, 1tbs grated ginger, half a grated chilli, 1tbs soya sauce, 1tsp honey and a little sesame/coconut oil to loosen it up. Finally squeeze over half a lime. Chances are it will be quite thick but that's ok! Don't get too stressed about the measurements, just keeping adding and mixing until it tastes like you never want it to run out!

 

Take everything off the heat, mix it all together and enjoy a clean, lean, powerful 'salad'.

 

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Great Girls; Zora Neale Hurston

Great Girls is series in which we meet inspiring women from ever era, culture and walk of life. This month we're meeting...

Author, activist and atomic energy of the Harlem Renaissance Zora Neale Hurston.

Zora grew up in the first all-black town in America, of which her father, a former slave, was mayor. This position, on the safe inside of African American culture looking out at the chaotic and caustic outside, together with the jarring juxtaposition of her father's identity granted her great insight into the human condition and black culture; Zora would go on to gain a masters in Anthropology in 1928.

Zora Neale Hurston. Inspiring quotes for women

Much of her career was occupied with documenting, promoting and celebrating black traditions. She travelled all over the Americas studying music, religions, dance, folklore and dialects. At a time when almost the entire population would rather ignore black heritage Zora revelled in it. She depicted black people in a way that had not been seen before - as utterly autonomous from white people, she refused to see them as degraded, as victims, as struggling heroes, as defeated. This determination to adhere to the challenges of her race brought much criticism during her life, perhaps it is why her work didn't receive the recognition it deserved until after her death.

This all sounds rather lofty and beyond what a white girl living in the suburbs with no strife could relate to, no? No! Zora's best known book Their Eyes Were Watching God is marvellous, the kind of book that keeps shouting life advice at you when the cover is closed. It is wise, courageous, romantic and a testament to the strength of womanhood. If you are female this is book is required reading. If you are human this book is suggested reading. Thank you Zora!

 

 

 

 

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Zingtastic Greens

Kale and I are still getting used to each other, wheras sprouts and I are old friends. This sentiment is not shared by everyone, in fact my own Gentleman Caller once referred to sprouts as the "devil's testicles". I couldn't be having that! Here is the recipe which changed his mind; Zingtastic Sprout and Kale Sautée Sensation.

Shred your sprouts, kale and chop the sugarsnap beans, roughly a handful of each per person. Into a frying pan add, 2tbs nut oil (toasted sesame, walnut, peanut), 2tbs grated ginger and 1-2 crushed garlic cloves. Once they're nice and hot, try to ignore the fact that it looks like mucus, then add a good dash of soy sauce and 1tbs sesame seeds.

Time to add your veg to the pan, turn down the heat and fry them until they're browned and softening which will be about 8 minutes. Now add a squeeze of lemon juice and enjoy!

And there you go, sprouts are no longer the preserve of a select, taste deficient few! The Gentleman Caller declared them "the best sprouts" he'd ever eaten. Result!

 

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Best opening lines

Sometimes you can flick open a book and by the time you've reached the first full stop you've got a friend for life! Here are my favourite opening lines (all subsequent lines are worth reading too) from books read/revisited in 2014.

"It all started with a hymen." (Hello Kitty Must Die, Angela S. Choi)

This book is HILARIOUS! I read it nearly in one sitting! Our heroine is witty, smart and desperately trying to escape her mother.

"Here is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin." (Winnie the Pooh. A.A. Milne)

Even as a child that I loved that image, the slow descent of two best friends into a domestic haven...bliss

"Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board." (Their Eyes Were Watching God, Zora Neale Hurston)

This immediately struck a cord, as a child I remember chasing planes and shouting "Take me with you." As an adult reading this line, I found it so simple, so heartbreaking and so true that I fell in love with this novel almost immediately. There's great comfort in knowing you're not alone. Also Zora is a dynamo!!

"All children , except one, grow up." (Peter Pan. J.M. Barrie)

One the possibilities! I very much wanted to be Peter Pan!

"It was the day my grandmother exploded." (The Crow Road, Iain Banks)

Was it really? I have so very many questions you need to answer!

"Under certain circumstances there are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea." (The Portrait of a Lady, Henry James)

Yes I quite agree. One lump or two?

"On the map, their destination had been a stretch of green, as if they would be living on a golf course." (California, Edan Lepucki.)

I sense impending doom. In this novel, dystopian fiction has grown up, and its voice is beautiful.

 

 

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Broccoli Curry Salad

I don't do well with 'main dish' dinners, I think it's one of the reasons I love Spain so much - I really appreciate their tapas culture. So given my penchant for nibbling I was rather disappointed when I realised that my labor intensive Beef Biryani (hat tip to the Hairy Bikers, delicious) was just such a meal. I needed a side dish...stat! Like nearly everything I cook it needed to be quick and necessitate hardly any washing up, I serve you Broccoli Curry Salad with Raita Dressing.

Into a pot of boiling water put a handful of french beans, after 2/3 minutes add some broccoli florets. While they're boiling away toast some caraway seeds in a dry frying pan over a low heat. Drain the greens and grate in a carrot then toss in your seeds and sprinkle over some chilli flakes.

In a seperate dish mix the zest and juice of half a lime, 1/4 of a diced cucumber, 2tbsp natural yogurt, 1tbsp chopped parsley and a small pinch of ground cumin.

Gosh that looks like a lot...mostly it's just mixing things! The yogurt and cucumber keep it cool while the caraway and cumin add enough flavour to make it a delicious side to a curry main dish. I suspect this would be nice with most garden veg, I'm thinking mangetout, petit pois, sugar snap peas and maybe mint?

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Emergency Feeds; Kale Crisps

Nom nom nom nom nom...these crisps are so addictive and I PROMISE they are NOT as disgusting or as 'trendy' as they sound and they will feel like crisps in your mouth! Kale is definitely a food that will love you back, it's full of iron, magnesium, fibre, Vitamin C and even Omega 3! You go Kale, you go! The problem with Kale is that I kinda resent the piety that glowing hipsters have given it with all that green juice they drink, cause most of the time, that stuff looks and tastes like ditch water! I also resent the soggy spoonfuls of slop that my Granny used to dump on to my plate on Sunday. So yeah, Kale has had a pretty hard time. BUT here is something delicious that you can do with Kale that does not result in ditch green juice or the Creature From The Green Lagoon these are the PERFECT emergency feed! Takes 12 minutes tops.
In a shallow bowl put 2tbsp of olive oil, if you are eco friendly (hurray) pop into your garden and get 3 large kale leaves which you will now rinse, dry, remove the stalk from and cut into Doritos size pieces, the rest of you...open a bag of prepared kale (boo hiss). Toss the kale in the oil and lay the little green don't-wannabe-Doritos on a baking tray. Sprinkle them with sea salt and some black pepper.
Put them in the oven for 10 minutes at 150c. These WILL burn if they have a chance, the lower the heat and the longer they cook the better, once they start to brown get them out of there.
These are gorgeous (and addictive) like this but if you fancy more flavour then before you put them in the oven sprinkle them with...
1. Garam Masala - a surprisingly nice Indian twist.
2. Parmesan and Lemon Zest - slightly decadent but Oh. So. Good.
3. Paprika and Garlic Powder - olé, suddenly we're in Spain!
4. Soy Sauce and Ginger - mix these into the oil, no need to tha me yet!

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Emergency Feeds; when Sudden Starvation sets in.

Confession: I commit Emergency Feeds on an almost daily basis! They hapen when I'm so hungry that I can't contemplate anything but FOOD. If I'm prepared, this isn't a bad thing because I'll be topping up on something that will love me back, if I'm not prepared it means I'll be shovelling two Snickers and a packet of crisps down my neck. For the pious amongst us, this looks and feels as unattractive as it sounds!

So how to avoid the need for an Emergency Feed? The obvious answer from the pious amongst us is to eat small amounts of perfectly balanced food at regularly scheduled times during the day, not good if you aren't an infant being weaned!

The rest of us should try this...

1. Drink enough water - constantly sipping water keeps your appetite alarms workings, lots of people confuse thirst for hunger and thus engage in Emergency Feeds accordingly. When you're properly hydrated you're less at risk of the belief that you're experiencing sudden starvation!

2. Snack packs - keeping portions of non perishable, clean snacks handy lets you conduct an Emergency Feed properly. For me these snacks HAVE to be something crispy or crunchy - protein shake won't cut it. What can I say? I like to really chew my food. And it physically feels like a biscuit! #MindGames

3. Maximise meal times - I know some nutritionist recommend eating every two hours and others constantly graze on fruits but most jobs can't accomodate this stlye of eating (and it sounds like a chore!). Practically every teacher, nurse, entrepreneur and full time parent I know works straight through meal times. Not good! It's essentially scheduling an Emergency Feed for later in the day, not to mention the damage it does to your metabolism and mood. Your body need to know your eating (not gulping!) so take 20 minutes to stop and chew!

In support of my Eliminate Emergency Feeds campaign I'll be posting a series of clean & lean snacks to prepare ahead and help keep us away from the 'convenience' aisle!

 

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2015 is mine!

It's alllllll about the forward planning, I fully intend to live a long, healthy, joyful and useful life...meaning I need to use 2015 more intentionally than I used 2014! So many days just happened during the last year, my health suffered, my moods dipped and I felt a little (a lottle?) a drift. With the full knowledge that it's not possible to change the world in a day, I'll be adopting one healthy habit every month this year in an attempt to reclaim my health! Simples!

January - I'll be giving up drinks in bottles. Juices, fizzy drinks and most tragically of all...wine! Join me in a dirge! If ANYTHING has to go from our diets its fizzy drinks, nothing will kill you faster! Not in it for the long term? Fizzy drinks bloat your belly, dull your skin and darken your teeth, whereas 2 litres of water a day will (almost) cure all ills. So drink water, tea or homemade juices.

February - plants with every meal. I've tried eating 'the rainbow', being vegan before 5, being vegan after 5, ugh EFFORT! Surely it's easier to do a little and often? In February I plan to eat plants with every meal! Yum!

March - Meatfree Mondays in March! I love an alliterative resolution I do! I also love a resolution that will save me money, skim my belly and reduce my risk of bowel cancer and heart disease. One day a week I'll be going vegan, very excited for this challenge.

April - Oh my it's loud! In April I'll be making a conscious effort to own the quiet moments that happen during the day, not to compose to do lists, not to worry, not to mindless browse the Internet, not to reenact nor rehearse difficult situations but to take a deep breath and remind myself that I'm OK.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Introducing Heddy Lamarr

Great Girls is series in which we meet inspiring women from ever era, culture and walk of life. This month we're meeting...

Heddy Lamar; silver screen siren and technology pioneer. Oh darling, beauty, brains and balls!

Heddy - or to use her full name Hedwig (reason enough to love her no?) crammed so much into one life time of Hollywood excess that she makes Rihanna (and her ubiquitous nipples) look tame. From dinner with Hitler, galas with Mussolin, condemnation from the Pope, a spell of nymphomania and a stint in prison to an invention that changed the world and won a war Heddy has been there, done it and won it.

Born in Vienna in 1914 Heddy had her first taste of showbiz after a chance meeting with a director, who awed by her beauty - if not her acting talent - cast her in his film. Heddy loved it and at the age of 16 took herself to Berlin to make herself a star. Shortly afterwards she met and fell in love with her first husband (there would be six), a decision she came to regret very quickly.

Fritz Mandl was described by his young wife as "handsome, magnetic...and utterly ruthless". Neccesary qualities no doubt for a Jew selling arms to the nazis. Really! Besotted by this handsome and magnectic man, a love struck Heddy couldn't wait to start married life in the the 'Mandl Palace'. However she quickly found herself a prisoner there, forbidden from working and spied on by the enourmous staff Heddy was trapped playing the vivacious hostess to dinner guests like Hitler and Mussolini. This was no place for a jewish girl who couldn't act!

Late one night Heddy took her chance. A few crushed pills into a maid's tea provided the costume for her disguise and, with a bag full of jewels and bank notes Heddy pocketed Mandl's car keys and drove into the dark. She took herself to Paris, where once again a chance meeting would land her back on the screen. Well, almost. The MGM scout was less than impressed by her acting skills and told her so, but, never one to be put off, Heddy pawned her jewels and bought herself a one-way ticket to New York...aboard the very same ship as the scout! Hedwig Mandl boarded in France and Heddy Lamarr alighted in New York. Hedwig and Heddy knew that her looks alone could not carry her, after all...

One of her first roles was in Ecstasy, it would rock the movie industry, horrify polite society and scandalise the pope because Heddy was the very first woman to be depicted nude and simulate an orgasm on screen. Miley and her 'bitches' have nothing on Heddy! A glittering, though less than Oscar worthy, career followed and Heddy quickly earned herself a reputation as a diva, but in her own words..

Heddy's most lasting contribution came from a rather unlikely source. Her disasterous marriage to Mandl did serve a useful purpose - it introduced her brilliant brain to spread spectrum communications and frequeny hopping. Her invention involved transmitting messages and missile signals from a stream of constantly changing radio frequencies - this made it impossible for enemies to incept or block messages. And thus, Heddy Lamarr brought a happy ending to the Cuban Missile Crisis. Perhaps that's not cool enough? Well if youre reading this on a phone or tablet you have Heddy Lamarr to thank because WiFi and Bluetooth are built on the technology that Ms Lamarr designed on her living room with a silver matchbox and a tube of red lipstick.

Sadly, while "the first half of her life was a glittering dream, the second half was a tragic waste." Heddy tore through husbands, by the time she got to number six her motives were less than romantic claiming that "I was broke and hungry, I had to marry." Her career began to fade, and she relied on plastic surgery to preserve her looks and drugs to cope with her depression. She was twice arrested for shop lifting and by the sixties was living in a bedsit, estranged from all who loved her and unable to afford heating or food. She would freqeuntly acost strangers in the street to tell of her "glory days" as a "famous actress". Heddy passed away in 2007 after a roller coaster life that took her to the heights of both her careers and the deepest lows in her personal life. She once tragically declared that she had been blessed and cursed by her beauty, declaring "My face is the mask I can't take off."

Lets leave Heddy with a wry warning to our vanity...

 

 

 

 

 

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Pineapple and (sort of) teriyaki chicken!

I love a dish that saves on washing up! This is so delicious, so colourful and so quick you'll never bother with a chinese takeaway again. Just make sure your pineapple is in its own juice and not syrup.

Start by mixing your 'teriyaki' (actual teriyaki if you have it), whisk up two parts white wine to one part soy sauce, add a few dashes of Worcester sauce and a pinch of ground ginger. You'll need enough to just cover your meat. Next fry off the chicken and garlic, adding some bell pepper just before its done. When it's cooked, pour in your sauce and let it thicken. Finally toss in a can of pineapple chunks, add your scallions and pok choi and cook until they're warm and little bit seared.

 

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Hello October!

Hello October! This is one of my favourite months, it has so much character, so much spirit, so much fight it in! Even though summer must be exhausting October gives Autumn everything it's got and goes out blazing! This month I'm going to...

1. Change my scent. It's time to let the light, sweet florals of summer go, sorry! At this time of year I like something earthy and spicy to warm me up, at the moment I'm loving the Rituals range.

2. Clean out my handbags. God I hate the dusty debris of a well loved handbag. After a few days use my bag is a tangled mess of receipts, loose change, lipsticks, pens, paper clips and pooh bags that spill like entrails with every unzipping. Worse, I leave it there when I swap handbags! I've seen other womens bags and know I'm not the only one!

3. Plan my Halloween costume. This year I'm torn between being a leopard and a zombie. I've narrowed it down to these four, although I suspect I lack the neccesary artistic talents to pull off either!

4. Cultivate a cosy habit. Winter has its highlights you know, staying indoors means more time for reading, bathing, crafting and baking! Hallelujah! I'm awful at plodding along without noticing these things so this October I'm creating a habit that will last all winter - rather than collapsing into bed with a book and skimming a few blurry lines before coma I'm deliberately making time to read. This afternoon I built a fort and climbed in with The Woman In White...bliss!

5. Speaking of cosy habits...find a new tea. Herbal teas make me happy, but fruit teas when it's blowing a gale and raining enough to fill the moat you never wanted? Nah, not going to cut it! You need a chai, a ginger or (if you're feeling decadent) a chocolate and peppermint! I'm a huge Teavanna fan. They're pricy but a small tin lasts forever and will defo brighten up a dark morning!

5. Eat a pumpkin...as opposed to desecrating one! Ireland has no tradition of eating pumpkins, despite the best efforts of America's pies and Harry Potter's juices! But this is a true tragedy! Recipes to follow but honestly, there's so much more to pumpkins than scary faces and a drawer full of blunt knives on November 1st! They'll be in season until January.

6. Get down with the Ghosts and Ghouls. Last year we did the Zombie Run in The Jungle. It involved 5KM of forest, maze and graveyard and dozens of highly convincing zombies/psychos. It also involved me moving faster than I EVER have before and screaming at an inhuman level. JUST what Halloween was made for!

7. Update my skincare routine. Have you been using the same products with robot like compliance? Then stop! Cold winds and dA few months ago my skin was so poorly that people asked why I had a rash! A free consultation with Clinque and some new product turned it around!

8. Indulge my inner pyrotechnic. It's still *just about* warm enough to enjoy an evening spent in the garden...provided your prepared! Skip Bonfire Night, make a massive pot of something delicious and get your favourite people round your fire - just be sure to make it BYOB (Bring Your Own Blanket)!

10. Send a real life, hand written letter. Imagine the thrill of arriving home from work to find a friendly envelope sitting on your doormat, the tingle of mystery at this person who writes their 'g's with that funny little flourish, the giggle over the novelty stamp, the delicious anticipation of waiting for the kettle to boil so you can eat your biscuit and met this enchanting stranger. Youu can give someone those feelings!!! What a privelege! Quills out!

 

 

 

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Better than a chip shop

We had better than Chip Shop fish and chips tonight! Home battered fish and homemade tartar sauce with a side of sweet potato fries and a dollop of mushy edamame beans.

My fish batter was ground almonds and coconut oil, the sauce was Greek yoghurt with chopped capers, cocktail gherkins and parsley mixed through it (honestly no quantities just keep tasting!) and for the edamame beans we blanched them then smashed them with a tiny amount olive oil and seasoning. Delicious and I put down my cutlery feeling smug!

Once again the photography is less than awe inspiring but I usually take these pics before scoffing and I hate eating cold food! How do other bloggers manage these artistic shots? I swear they're eating old, cold, crusted meals!

 

 

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It's good to be 'bad'

People can be sooo judgemental about food and nutrition, especially when it comes to clean and lean/fresh eating. It drives me crazy! I do not believe that carbs are the seventh circle of your kitchen's own private hell, or that eating its agent of destruction 'pasta' will cause your digestive tract to close up.

That thud you just heard? Oh don't mind that it's just me falling off my high horse. That scrabbling and cursing you hear now? Why, that's me scratching and clawing my way back on to it! I ate pasta. It was delicious!

I tried to keep this dish as healthy as possible while still satisfying my craving for something creamy and hearty and baaaaad! Boil up as much pasta as you intend to eat...remeber no one is judging you. Chop up a few capers along with a small bunch of dill and mix them into a teeny (or a tremendous) amount of creme fraiche. Heat up a griddle pan and when it's nice and hot lay a salmon fillet skin side down to cook, this will only take a few minutes. Slice a handful of mangetout in half lengthways and do likewise with some French beans, chuck them both into the pasta water for the last 1/2 minutes cooking time. Drain this pan, flake in your salmon and mix it well with (you guessed it) green leaves, today I used watercress, rocket and beets. Finally add your caper creme fraiche and enjoy.

Not all bad, lots of good in there...and pasta! But the world kept turning and my bowel didn't develop polyps so all's well that ends well, and this ended well! Yum!

 

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Emergency Clean Cuisine

I have been terribly guilty of not listening to my own advice lately in that have been hideously underprepared for all my meals! It makes life soooo much harder! Too many times I've raced into the kitchen after work and immediately commenced eating everything within reach! Tonight was almost one of those nights but thankfully this gorgeous seafood cocktail rescued me!

Remove the prawns from the freezer and let them defrost. In a small own bowl mix a tablespoon of seafood dressing (or three parts creme fraiche to one part ketchup) with the zest and juice of half a lemon, to this add your cooked crab meat and let it sit. Slice up an avocado, a fennel bulb and a head of baby gem lettuce and toss it with leaves of your choosing (spinach and watercress for me). Now that your prawns are defrosted quickly grill them and while they're hot add them to your crab meat. Arrange everything on a plate (and if it's really an emergency) DEVOUR it!

So this might be less clean than I like thanks to jarred sauce, but sometimes, I have to cut myself some slack or I'll end up at the drive-thru again (true story) and I'm ok with that! This is delicious and a great balance of lean protein, healthy fats and green carbs so I'm willing to let the tablespoon of decadence slide!

 

 

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