How I remembered to be be happy: three habits that heal

Part two of the previous post.

Three habits that heal:

1. More time alone, more time with people.

2. I made an effort.

3. I treated myself like a friend.

The second habit that heals; make an effort

There were days when EVERYTHING felt like an effort, and I do mean everything - thinking about washing my hair felt like climbing Everest before I'd even switched on the shower. I hate climbing Everest on an empty stomach but OH breakfast felt like a chore, aaaaaand so went the rest of the day! I knee-jerked by 'going easy' on myself, 'cutting myself some slack' and 'giving myself a break' because I felt so shitty already why would I add extra pressure? In reality I needed to give myself a boot up the bum and make an effort. My kindness was not helping me in anyway, in fact it was depression's cleverest trick. This kindness kept me mired in a cycle of inactivity and low achievement, the consequences of which Depression could then used as evidence of in the case for Your Life Really Does Suck. I don't mean to imply that if you're sad you should try harder, but for me surrendering was like tying myself to an anchor and going overboard!

I found the easiest way to make an effort was through a Reflective Routine. First I framed whatever I was overwhelmed by with the gratitude I'd feel once it was completed eg "I feel so much happier now that I have worked hard all afternoon" or (on really bad days!) "I feel content now that the dogs have had a fun walk and we've all enjoyed some fresh air". Once I'd determined to enjoy the event I broke every task down into its components and focused on each component until it was fully, satisfyingly complete. When all the components were finished I concentrated on that original feeling again and let myself relax into it and exhaled all the anxiety/dread/incompetence I'd felt before I started. Finally at the end of each day I took a few moments to recap the 'achievements' and all the gratitude that went with them. I refused to allow myself to be mortified by how trivial they might have been! 

Moral: sometimes kindness hurts